Wednesday, August 22

Murder for Hire

If you would like to hire a killer,

it is now possible. His service is

professional, legally protected,

safe, sanitary, licensed and nondiscriminatory.

No secret contacts

or conspiracies are necessary. It is

all open and aboveboard. The

fees are quite expensive; but if

you desire the service and cannot

afford it, the government will

probably subsidize you. It is legal,

and there will be no future recriminations

against you, as far as

the laws of the land are concerned.

God does not approve,

but who listens to Him anymore?

If these killers could find a way to

do it, they would gladly kill Him


Victims can be chosen for

nearly any reason, including financial

inconvenience, social inconvenience,

divorce, change of

boyfriends, wrong sex, a missing

finger, protection of personal privacy,

the covering up of sin, just

to prevent the lack of sexual activity

or for no stated cause at all.

The murderers get rich, the people

who hire them get relief, and

the victims get trashed. Easy, is it


At present, these hired killers

do not accept people over nine

months old as victims; but perhaps

in time they can remove

some inhibitions that people have

about that and acquire permission

to include people over eighty or

perhaps over seventy, or maybe

they can get it down to sixty-five.

After all, these elderly people can

also become an inconvenience

or an embarrassment to their

families, neighbors or even society

in general.

You can acquire the information

you may desire for this service

by looking under Abortion in

the Yellow Pages. Be careful,

though; God keeps a record of

all our telephone calls and everything

that results from them.

Hiring one of these killers is


—Forrest L. Keener

No comments:


The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction

2. Foul vocal emissions

3. Amnesia of origin

4. Lack of peace and joy

5. Selfish or violent behavior

6. Depression or confusion in the mental Component

7. Fearfulness

8. Idolatry

9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is:

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".