If you would like to hire a killer,
it is now possible. His service is
professional, legally protected,
safe, sanitary, licensed and nondiscriminatory.
No secret contacts
or conspiracies are necessary. It is
all open and aboveboard. The
fees are quite expensive; but if
you desire the service and cannot
afford it, the government will
probably subsidize you. It is legal,
and there will be no future recriminations
against you, as far as
the laws of the land are concerned.
God does not approve,
but who listens to Him anymore?
If these killers could find a way to
do it, they would gladly kill Him
Victims can be chosen for
nearly any reason, including financial
inconvenience, social inconvenience,
divorce, change of
boyfriends, wrong sex, a missing
finger, protection of personal privacy,
the covering up of sin, just
to prevent the lack of sexual activity
or for no stated cause at all.
The murderers get rich, the people
who hire them get relief, and
the victims get trashed. Easy, is it
At present, these hired killers
do not accept people over nine
months old as victims; but perhaps
in time they can remove
some inhibitions that people have
about that and acquire permission
to include people over eighty or
perhaps over seventy, or maybe
they can get it down to sixty-five.
After all, these elderly people can
also become an inconvenience
or an embarrassment to their
families, neighbors or even society
You can acquire the information
you may desire for this service
by looking under Abortion in
the Yellow Pages. Be careful,
though; God keeps a record of
all our telephone calls and everything
that results from them.
Hiring one of these killers is
—Forrest L. Keener
Wednesday, August 22
Murder for Hire
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental Component
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is:
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".