I hate to use my blog as a dumping grounds for my problems, but it seems I have always been one to feel 100 times better after letting it all out...
I have been struggling with teaching my kids. My son needs extra help and so I am giving him the help he needs but kind of setting my daughter to the side. Then when I go to help her because she can't do it completely by herself, I have to set Colton off to the side. I feel like I am on an educational roller coaster.
I tried to talk to my husband about it and he walked away after about two sentences. I know there isn't anything he can do--at least not at 10pm. But these are his kids, too. I suppose it's his way of dealing with it? By not dealing with it? Just leaving it to me. Such a small thing feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I actually feel, for moments, like I am practically single mom.
A minute or so later he came back in the room and started telling me about something at the shop. I wanted to walk out of the room and show him how it felt! Instead, I hung my head low and listened to his ramblings and complaints--shop talk. Then he said, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." (what I always say...)
"I tried to tell you and you wouldn't listen."
"But, there's nothing I can do. What do you want me to do?"
"I just wanted you to listen."
And he left the room. I went to bed, only to find myself weeping in bed. I don't remember the last time I cried. It seems like such a silly thing to be so upset about.
I pray. I ask. I cry out to God.
I keep trying to figure out how I can be super mom. I don't have a cape. I don't have a mask. The only thing I have is the armor of God. Maybe I'm not putting it on right? Maybe it just doesn't fit anymore...Why can't I do this?
This morning, we had our prayer time as a family and he prayed for me to have the strength and wisdom to teach them. After the prayers, he said again "What's wrong?"
"Craig, it's nothing new, so there's no point in talking about it again. I need to figure it out."
"You don't need to yell at me." (he wasn't yelling, just adding a little emphasis...)
"It's school. I need to figure this out..."
"hmff...I don't know what to tell you. When we get enough money, we can get videos for Amanda so you can spend more time with Colton."
And he walks out of the room. This is not the solution I want. It's definitly not the solution I can afford. I know he wants to help, he just doesn't know how he can help.
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental Component
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is:
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".