Tuesday, September 23

Tears on my pillow

I hate to use my blog as a dumping grounds for my problems, but it seems I have always been one to feel 100 times better after letting it all out...
I have been struggling with teaching my kids. My son needs extra help and so I am giving him the help he needs but kind of setting my daughter to the side. Then when I go to help her because she can't do it completely by herself, I have to set Colton off to the side. I feel like I am on an educational roller coaster.
I tried to talk to my husband about it and he walked away after about two sentences. I know there isn't anything he can do--at least not at 10pm. But these are his kids, too. I suppose it's his way of dealing with it? By not dealing with it? Just leaving it to me. Such a small thing feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I actually feel, for moments, like I am practically single mom.
A minute or so later he came back in the room and started telling me about something at the shop. I wanted to walk out of the room and show him how it felt! Instead, I hung my head low and listened to his ramblings and complaints--shop talk. Then he said, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." (what I always say...)
"What's wrong?"
"I tried to tell you and you wouldn't listen."
"But, there's nothing I can do. What do you want me to do?"
"I just wanted you to listen."
And he left the room. I went to bed, only to find myself weeping in bed. I don't remember the last time I cried. It seems like such a silly thing to be so upset about.
I pray. I ask. I cry out to God.
I keep trying to figure out how I can be super mom. I don't have a cape. I don't have a mask. The only thing I have is the armor of God. Maybe I'm not putting it on right? Maybe it just doesn't fit anymore...Why can't I do this?
This morning, we had our prayer time as a family and he prayed for me to have the strength and wisdom to teach them. After the prayers, he said again "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?"
"Craig, it's nothing new, so there's no point in talking about it again. I need to figure it out."
"You don't need to yell at me." (he wasn't yelling, just adding a little emphasis...)
"It's school. I need to figure this out..."
"hmff...I don't know what to tell you. When we get enough money, we can get videos for Amanda so you can spend more time with Colton."
And he walks out of the room. This is not the solution I want. It's definitly not the solution I can afford. I know he wants to help, he just doesn't know how he can help.


ChRlswfe4Jesus said...

I am afraid I do not know the answer. Sorry! I can understand your frustration. I am praying that God will show you the answer.

I do remember back almost 2 years ago, my eldest really struggled with the start of phonics, two different approaches helped; 1. backing off for a bit and then going back at it. 2. I tried three different methods of teaching phonics before I found the right one. Now hear the funny part. The book that has worked was in the house all the time. We had gotten it at an auction right when I realized that she needed something different-I just didn't check out the book until I was completely frustrated thinking I needed to buy something expensive. LOL Joke was on me. The book was an extra, not even what we were looking at buying at the auction. Yes, but God knew what was needed, provided it basically free. Now I can laugh about it. I just wasn't looking in the right direction. dawn

Sharon Brumfield said...

I don't home school...but the concerns of Mom's carry the same weight.
It starts with little things and then one more thing...and before you know it you are concerned about much. Kind of like Martha. Her concerns were real....but she was dealing with it. Finally....she had had enough.
So I can't give you answers about homeschooling....but I can tell you to lay them at His feet. And when your mind starts to run in the direction of worry....take them back to Him again. Remember your children are really His greatest priority....even more than your husbands. And if the frustration is leading to sin...then He promises to provide a way of escape.
I don't want to spiritualize this whole thing....because I understand the husband issue too.
I think maybe our men...who are supposed to be the problem solvers....maybe have a hard time handling issues they can't give a solution to. I can see Keith get frustrated when he has to deal with those types of things.

Are there resources at the library you could use? Are there other homeschoolers you know who might have resources you could use or rent? What about doing some tutoring trade offs with someone?
All I know...is if God wants you to continue to do this...He will provide a solution.
Sounds like your enemy is on your case and trying to drive a wedge in your emotions between you and your hubby. Don't give him that ground.
I don't know if you have a good homeschool support group...but if you don't I know several women bloggers who might be able to give you a little info that might help.
I know it is rough...hold on...He is right there ready to help.

Alisun said...

I agree with what has been said by the other ladies.
But I do understand I have a daughter who struggles greatly in school and I have even held her back to help her out. We work on a lot at home and I feel that I will teaching her at home at some point. We have had her tested this it not a cheap option to do but my husband after time came to realize it had to be. She is not going to learn the same as our son. He was home schooled first and in school now he did horrible for me at home but thrived in school this was very hard for me I could not teach him better than someone else. God had a better plan and it was not mine. We prayed and he revealed where to place him.
Brooke does not want to be home schooled and I really pray that the teachers will implement her new plan but if they do not mommy will have to really seek God for answers because we do not do well together when it comes to school work.
I feel your frustation with the kids learning I work with my husband and then I come home do dinner, kids,laundry and everything in the house after a day at work it is very hard when they do not see how hard it is for us. I have to realize what they can not control they choice to block out and hope it gets better. well that is what I feel my husband does any way I do not know if it helps but God sees and He can heal it if we let it go so he can work.


The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction

2. Foul vocal emissions

3. Amnesia of origin

4. Lack of peace and joy

5. Selfish or violent behavior

6. Depression or confusion in the mental Component

7. Fearfulness

8. Idolatry

9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is:

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".